


every other freckle

by orphan_account



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Incest, M/M, oops i did it again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2643344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh devour me<br/>Oh devour me<br/>If you really think that you can stomach me</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oh what a short first chapter ;3;

It is beginning to grate on him.

The harsh brightness of the low sun shines elegantly into the music room, and everything is coming to a close for the day. Girls of various shapes and sizes are ushered out the door, as quickly as the host club- Mostly Kyoya, if it were up to Tamaki, they would all be there into the next day- can manage. Chairs and tables are being pushed back into their rightful places, and home seems to be the next destination. 

Kaoru, however, is sitting by the window, staring at the light until it burns his eyes. He is entirely lost in thought, and Hikaru sits with him. Lately, Kaoru has been spending time by himself, not doing much of anything but thinking. Hikaru hasn't said anything, and does not plan to. He simply sits beside him, their fingers laced like ribbons together.

Tamaki, on the contrary, is not so forgiving.

"Hey!" He calls with laughter in his eyes, waving from the other end of the room. "Are you two ever going home?"

Hikaru looks from Kaoru to Tamaki and back again, knowing his brother would not wish to answer. He answers for him.

"Eventually." He shrugs, trying to force his voice away from shaking. "You go on ahead."

Tamaki looks mildly insulted, and opens his mouth to say something, but Kyoya appears from the doorway and whispers something in his ear. Tamaki spares the twins one last glance, sighs, and leaves them.

Perhaps he has begun to notice as well. Perhaps he has begun to see Kaoru's eyes burn.

Hikaru sits silently for a moment, the quietness between them unusually awkward. In the past, the two had been able to sit together wordlessly for hours without there being so much as a smidgen of misplacement, but in this moment, Hikaru is beginning to wish he were somewhere else. He doesn't think that Kaoru can tell.

After some minutes, he slowly leans against him. "Kaoru?" He murmurs, his voice directly placed in his brothers ear. 

Kaoru doesn't budge.

"Brother?" He tries, wrapping his arms loosely around him. "Don't you think we ought to be going?"

Kaoru finally looks up at him, somber, but does not say anything. Hikaru finds himself leaning closer, until their noses touch.

"We can go home and have a movie night... or we can just watch What Not to Wear reruns... We can even have popcorn... Come on." Hikaru forces a smile, and slowly, ever slowly, he can feel Kaoru coming back to him. He blinks once, twice, then smiles a little smile. 

"Yeah."

Two hours later and they're tangled in limbs, all wrapped up together on the couch like a strange package. Hikaru has kept true to his word, and they are in fact playing What Not to Wear reruns, but neither of them are really watching. In fact, Kaoru had instead taken to watching his brother talk.

He doesn't have to listen, necessarily, no, he just has to watch. The way Hikaru's full lips part gracefully over his words, the way his jaw moves so deliberately as it carves out sentence fragments, how his eyes light up like firecrackers when he gets a little too excited; oh yes, this is the height of entertainment. 

Hikaru doesn't notice for a long while, but when he does, he smiles lovingly down at his brother. "What?"

Kaoru shakes his head. "Nothing. You're just fun to watch." 

Hikaru laughs, playing with his brothers hair. "How so?" Kaoru shrugs.

"You're very expressive..." He pauses, losing eye contact for a moment. "And you have nice lips."

Hikaru keeps his playful gaze and gently tips Kaoru's face up to look at him. "You think so?" He asks, quiet as anything. Kaoru is mildly awestruck.

Things between them are often like this. Hikaru likes to play with Kaoru's feelings, he knows, and yet he can't help but fall for it every time. It's been like this for so long, one might think he would get over himself, but every time is like the first for him. He braces himself for a kiss, this time on the tip of his nose.

"We have the same lips, Kaoru." But Kaoru can't really hear him. His head is buzzing like a television stuck on the wrong channel. He buries his head into Hikaru's chest, taking a deep breath in. His brothers familiar scent washes over him. Hikaru merely smiles.

It's not enough. It's not what Kaoru wants, it's just a little piece of the whole picture. He tries, as usual, to keep his thoughts to himself, but it's such a chore. He whines softly, rubbing his face against Hikaru's t-shirt. Hikaru laughs again.

"What is it?" He asks incredulously, and then, knowing the answer, murmurs: "You're so predictable."

Yes, Kaoru might suppose. He is predictable. He only wants what makes his brother happy and, oh so predictably, he allows himself to stay in this dreadful limbo with him. He allows himself to forget, or at least, cast aside what he wants.

Hikaru has returned his attention to the television, and if Kaoru had any sense, he would do the same.

But, he is beginning to lose his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thankful for twincest. Happy thanksgiving!

Sunrise comes with the strangest tide. Kaoru wakes in Hikaru's arms, moved from the couch to the bed sometime in the night. He snuggles closer to him, relishing in the warmth. Hikaru groans.

"Go back to sleep." He grumbles. But Kaoru notices how he holds him tighter, possessively. He says nothing, not wanting to ruin it.

Hikaru is not satisfied. Not even opening his eyes, he lazily kisses at Kaoru's face. Kaoru's heart beats wildly, and he finds himself again completely at his brothers will. He can't help the happy little noises that escape his lips. His brother smiles to himself.

"Hey..." Hikaru starts, opening his eyes slightly. Kaoru looks up at him lovingly, yawning a tiny yawn.

"Yeah?"

Hikaru murmurs, the wall of sleep still covering his eyes. "Can I kiss you?"

Kaoru takes a deep breath in. "Y-you already are." He tries, despite knowing exactly what his brother means. Hikaru nudges Kaoru's cheek with his nose, mildly embarrassed himself.

"No, like this."

Kaoru doesn't have time to think about it before Hikaru's lips gently meet his own. They are soft, just like he had imagined they would be. In fact, save for the morning breath, everything is the way he had imagined it would be. He feels a bit faint.

Of course, the magic does not last, and Hikaru pulls back after only a few moments, looking quite pleased with himself. Kaoru, on the other hand, feels as though every organ in his body has exploded and now an unknown substance is pouring out of him from every orifice. 

"Hika..." He starts, but his stomach is churning. He sits up, but the sudden motion only makes it worse. "Shit." 

His brother sits up with him, touching Kaoru worriedly and fussing over him, which, of course, only serves to further his nausea. He struggles out of Hikaru's arms, his mouth clamped shut, finally leaping out of bed. He dashes to the bathroom with his brother at his heels, but he slams the door behind him.

Kaoru kneels beside the toilet and gets violently ill for a number of minutes, his head pounding and his stomach wrenching. He hasn't been this sick for as long as he can remember. It comes out like vicious rapids. He falls onto the floor when there is nothing left to come out and cries silently.

"Kaoru...?" He hears eventually from right outside the door. He sniffles and tries for a moment to ignore him, but Hikaru sounds so desperate, so pathetic.

"It's ok..." His mouth tastes disgusting. "I'm fine, please don't worry." He feels disgusting. 

"I'm so sorry." Hikaru whispers, so quiet that Kaoru isn't even sure that he hears it, and his heart shatters in his chest.

His poor brother; his precious angel.

He gets up, feeling sort of like he is in a trance, and opens the door just a crack.

"Hey." He says. It's anticlimactic. Hikaru looks up, clearly concerned. He strokes Kaoru's face.

"We don't have to do that ever again, ok?" Hikaru whispers, his voice wobbling. Kaoru feels like he has been punched in the face, and he wishes he could bring himself to say something, but all he does is nod.

"Okay." He hears someone say, only realizing that the voice belongs to him when his lips feel dry and his hands start to shake.

He doesn't mean it. Every part of his body is rejecting this. His eyes are out of focus, and his breath is labored. He feels like he's going to freeze to death. He feels like he's going to vomit again.

Kaoru can feel Hikaru's hand move to his forehead, and he opens the door just enough so that he can collapse into his brothers arms.

Hikaru catches him with ease, not even the slightest bit offput. "Come on. Let's get you some rest."

Kaoru whimpers, but complies, leaning against Hikaru for support. He can't see straight. He can't think straight.

Everything is blurry. But, then again, it's been blurry for a long time.

When Hikaru lays him down in their bed, he reaches up to touch, but Hikaru shakes his head. "No. You shouldn't have human contact right now."

He looks like this decision bothers him as much as it bothers Kaoru, so Kaoru presses him. He reaches again, looking up at Hikaru with big, sad eyes; amber meeting amber. He whines a tiny little whine. Hikaru takes pity on him, but he shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru. I really do want to hold you." Kaoru's head spins. "You need to rest more than anything." He reels his hand back in, hugging himself. Hikaru, biting his lip, begins to fade, but Kaoru feels a kiss to the forehead just before he blacks out. 

"I need you to rest more than anything."

 

He dreams of nothing, and when he wakes in the afternoon to the smell of food on the bedside table, Hikaru is sitting at the end of the bed. He's focused on his phone, texting or tweeting or blogging, but as Kaoru begins to move slightly, he immediately puts it away and out of reach.

"Hey, Kao." He says, looking sympathetic. "You slept through most of the day." Kaoru sits up groggily and reaches for the food on the table. It's sandwiches. He is suddenly starving. Hikaru watches him scarf them down with a little smile. "Guess that means you're feeling better, then?"

Kaoru nods and swallows his large bite. "Yeah." He says, with no explanation. Hikaru doesn't seem to mind, and if he's hurt at all by the mornings events, he doesn't show it. 

"You got really sick." Hikaru says, trying hard to start a conversation. His face remains neutral, though. Kaoru begins to wonder if he's just a really good actor. It would make sense, he thinks. He acts like he's head over heels at the host club. Why is this any different?

"I know." Kaoru says plainly. He reaches for his brother, and Hikaru complies, moving in to hold him tight. 

"You had me worried sick, Kaoru..." Hikaru starts, squeezing him. Kaoru can't really breathe, and his head has started to buzz again, but it's pleasant and welcome attention. 

"I'm s-sorry." He stammers, choking back tears. Hikaru immediately shushes him, silencing him with a kiss to the forehead. Kaoru is overwhelmed, but not so much as earlier. He is compliant, to say the very least, and just falls limp against his hold.

"I love you, Kaoru. No matter what, ok?" Kaoru gulps, feeling as though he is spinning.

"I love you too, Hikaru." He whimpers, his voice cracking. He had never been more honest in his life.

The rest of the day is spent together, mostly in silence. As much as he wishes he could erase it, Kaoru knows that Hikaru won't forget this morning, and will probably be walking on eggshells for a while. He figures it can't be helped, but maybe he can take pity on his brother and show him extra love. Not too much, of course. Never too much.

When they lay down to sleep that night, late, things are surprisingly normal. Kaoru is held in Hikaru's arms, and sleepy kisses are pressed to his shoulders. On other nights, Hikaru might slip and kiss his neck too, but tonight he is careful to respect Kaoru's boundaries. It's nice, but disconcerting.

He dreams, again, of nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, thank you all so much for following me with this, even though i have no idea where im going! thank you, too, for all the comments, its nice to know you guys enjoy my writing ;0;
> 
> second, sorry for making you all wait so long for this update! i was actually working on a smaller project in between chapters and it got a bit out of hand. 
> 
> anyway, merry christmas and happy holidays!!!

It's not supposed to be like this. Hikaru has always been the emotional one, not Kaoru. 

This is a simple fact of life. Like the sun coming up in the morning and going down in the evening, that’s just the way it has to be. Hikaru is clingy. Hikaru is irrational. Hikaru is the one who clings to Kaoru in the dead of night, talking gibberish about the future and the imminence of loneliness. Hikaru is the one who screams at him for little to no reason, then apologizes in tears moments later. Hikaru is the crashing tide and Kaoru is his rock.

However, Kaoru has noticed a multitude of changes lately, and he figures that the patterns of the sun might as well change too at this point.

Four more dawns and they're skirting around it, stuck in a funny little limbo to avoid the tension. They act like nothing happened, but there is something undeniably different. There is a certain weirdness about them, a silent agreement, perhaps, not to talk about it.

The days have gone by agonizingly slowly for Kaoru, who is learning in spite of himself not to crave Hikaru’s attention. Usually his brother is all over him, and it takes all of Kaoru’s effort to get him away, but now, it’s different. Hikaru is purposely giving him space, and he can hardly stand it. It may be a worse feeling, he thinks, than actually dealing with it. “It” referring to, of course, the notion that he was in love with his brother. The idea was absolutely preposterous, and yet made perfect sense. 

Before he has the chance to slip into madness, Kaoru is pulled back to reality by Hikaru’s gentle hand upon his cheek. The music room, a gaggle of ogling girls. He blinks.

Hikaru looks worried. “Something wrong, brother?” He asks, a tint to his voice that is entirely too sweet to be real. He grins. “Are you perhaps thinking of the two of us, alone together?”

It’s always like this. This is just another constant for them, and it’s one that Kaoru abuses. He can’t help himself, pretending it’s real the whole time. Hikaru’s words are too sweet, and when they put on a show, it’s almost like Kaoru doesn’t need to daydream. He doesn’t need to imagine when the real Hikaru is right in front of him, flirting with him, watching him with matching eyes, even occasionally declaring love. He can’t help but hang on every word. Unlike Hikaru, though, he is completely honest with every retaliation.

“That’s all I ever think about.”

The girls squeal excitedly and the noise is enough to shatter the sound barrier, but Kaoru is too far gone in their own little world. The world that solely belongs to the two of them. For a second, Hikaru’s smile falters, but it is short lived, and Kaoru is easily distracted.

When everything is said and done and the sun has begun to set, the seven of them usher the last of the ladies out of the music room, much to their collective dismay. Tamaki is the one who finally gets them to leave, with promises of more fun tomorrow. He turns to the rest of them, a signature grin plastered against his face.

“Does anyone have any plans for this evening?” Tamaki asks excitedly. “I was hoping we might be able to-”

“Yeah, Kaoru and I have places to be,” comes a drawling voice against Kaoru’s ear. Hikaru take’s Kaoru’s hand, and the flesh on flesh contact again starts up the little buzz in Kaoru’s head. He rests his head on Hikaru’s shoulder, squeezing his brother’s hand tightly as he stares past the conversation. Tamaki looks thoroughly disappointed.

“What?!” He exclaims, grabbing Hikaru by the shoulders and shaking him, jostling a rather distant Kaoru. Hikaru is unfazed.

“Get off me, your highness.” He speaks over Tamaki, his voice monotone. “We have better things to do.” 

Hikaru strides past them, dragging Kaoru, who tries to bow in apology, with him. The rest of the club stares after them, confusion written across their faces. Kaoru assumes that his face looks similar.

“Hikaru!” He exclaims as his brother leads him angrily down the hall. “What’s gotten into you?”

Hikaru stops, turning back to glare at him. “Me? What’s gotten into me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Kaoru shrinks back, his mouth agape, but his hand is still held firmly in Hikaru's grasp. Hikaru’s eyes were full of anger, and something like concern. "You're the one who’s been acting strange! What’s the matter with you?!"

He knew this was coming, he saw it before it even started. His brother was bound to snap, it was only a matter of time. But despite knowing it would happen, Kaoru finds himself completely unprepared. He finds himself scared, not for himself, but for their relationship. What the two have is so delicate, so fragile, that one simple crack could shatter the entire thing. They are so close that if they so much as take one more step towards each other, Kaoru fears they might combust. Such a relationship plus Hikaru is a bad equation. Hikaru is a ticking time bomb.

He is trying to get through to him, Kaoru knows, but his head begins again to buzz, drowning him out entirely. This is a white noise unlike what he feels when they touch. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s not enjoyable either. It’s a sort of numbness, something like apathy. It’s not until several minutes after Hikaru has stopped talking does Kaoru come back to him.

It’s not for another moment does he realize that his mouth has been moving against his will, and he’s been whimpering, pleading: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Over and over again.

When he opens his eyes, Hikaru is staring back at him, and if it weren’t for their current situation, Kaoru would be at least mildly awestruck. His breath might catch in his throat at Hikaru’s long lashes. His heart might falter at the way Hikaru’s arms flare up just the slightest way when he clenches his fist. The buzzing in his head might start up again at Hikaru’s lips, his cheekbones, his hands, every part of him, one whole being perfect in his entirety. And then, he might just fall in love all over again when he remembers that they look exactly the same.

Because that’s the fact isn’t it? He’s in love. Like the sun coming up in the morning and setting in the evening; perhaps preposterous, but simply the way it is. 

“Fine.” Hikaru says, and his voice is ice cold. “I don’t walk anything to do with you until you talk to me about this.” And then he turns to go, leaving Kaoru gaping in his wake.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my birthday was on saturday  
> we'll say thats why this update is so late....
> 
> this is another short chapter,,, i am weak

Step 1.

Get up. 

Kaoru’s dreams are vivid; nightmares. They aren't frightening or sad, however. He dreams of himself and Hikaru, together, laughing and touching, and there’s no ailment, no faintness, not even the tiniest buzz. Just skin on skin and heart to heart. In his dreams, he is happy. They are certainly nightmares, only because he must eventually leave them.

It is not easy, but after his alarm sounds enough times, he is able to drag himself out of bed. He runs delicate fingers through messy auburn locks, surveying the room with weary eyes. It is dark. Kaoru is alone.

He slowly makes his way to the bathroom, where he can hear Hikaru moving. Perhaps washing up, brushing his teeth, getting dressed; it doesn’t matter. He takes a deep breath in.

This shouldn’t bother him. It’s only Hikaru, right?

Kaoru opens the door, albeit tentatively, to find his brother, his beautiful, perfect, precious brother, washing his face over the sink. When he comes up, he doesn’t look at Kaoru, but Kaoru can’t help but notice the water droplets on his long lashes and rolling down his cheeks like tears.

Step 2.  
Talk.

He stands there for a minute, holding his breath and staring stupidly, then steps into the room. It is warm, full of steam from Hikaru’s shower. Kaoru is shivering anyway.

“G-good morning, Hika.” He murmurs, with a tiny voice. He almost asks how Hikaru slept, in the bed across the hall. He wonders if he was as cold. As lonely. He can’t bring himself to really ask. He doesn’t want to know.

Hikaru still doesn’t look at him. Kaoru thinks he may freeze.

“Are you going to tell me today?” He finally asks, and his voice is mechanic. Automatic, like he’s not Hikaru, but his answering machine. Kaoru shakes his head no, meekly, and his brother sighs.

“Fine.” He replies, his voice downcast, and when he ultimately looks up at Kaoru, he looks perfectly calm. He pushes past, and Kaoru thinks he may have phazed right through him. 

He is thankful for the buzz.

Step 3.  
Go to school.

He gets ready alone, feeling the beginnings of an all-day migraine. He takes two Ibuprofen with his Prozac and slips his legs slowly into his pants. Then his shirt, and his jacket, and finally his shoes. Slowly, slowly. As if he is asleep.

He does everything he has to this way (brushes his teeth, combs his hair, washes his face, etc) before exiting the room. He does not eat breakfast. He just grabs his bag and heads out front, where the car and Hikaru are waiting for him.

If Hikaru had it his way, Kaoru assumes, he would be walking. He really and truly does not believe that his brother wants to ride to school with him, and it’s written in the way he sits. Hikaru is pressed against the far door, staring out the window with his head in his hand. If Kaoru didn’t know any better, he’d think he was just bored. The problem is, however, he does know better. It’s his fault that Hikaru looks like this.

He makes no effort at conversation this time, and they ride on in silence.

They had made sure at the beginning of the year that they would have every class together, but now it’s as if Kaoru is alone. Hikaru spends even more time with Haruhi than usual today. They whisper and giggle and chat and leave Kaoru to eat their shiny dust. 

The only person Kaoru speaks to all day is Kyouya, whom he sees for approximately one whole minute between classes. He suspects that Kyouya knows what is going on, or at least can tell that something is wrong. They don’t talk about it.

He figures his brother is having more luck. Hikaru is probably fine without him, probably living instead of just surviving. He does not see him clearly. He does not notice Hikaru’s worried glances. He does not hear Hikaru asking Haruhi for advice across the classrooms. When the teacher calls for teamwork, they both work alone.

Step 4.  
Go on.

The rest of the day is a blur. There is no club today, it’s been cancelled for the second time. So the two are left to ride again in silence. Antsy.

Nothing is the same. They do homework alone, they eat dinner alone, and at the end of the night, they go to bed alone. Nothing is the same, but they’ve already grown used to it. It is the third day. This will make the third night he sleeps alone. This will be the third night with no kisses to the back of his head, not gentle arms around him, no cleanness of breath, no sync of heartbeats.

Kaoru has grown weary, the sort of weary that another Prozac will not help. He is not sure he can take much more of this. At least, he does not want to.

His dreams scream for Step 5.  
Tell Him.


End file.
